I have been dreading this day for as long as I can remember. I remember stating twenty years ago that when this day comes I won’t know what to do. This is the day that David Bowie died.
It may seem silly to many, for someone to lament the passing of someone they’ve never intimately known, but I assure you that it is not silly, that it is indeed profound and beautiful.
When one considers that all living and non-living matter and energy in this universe is connected at the atomic level, and considers the complexity of human emotions and consciousness, it shouldn’t come as a surprise for one person across the country from a dying man, who never crossed paths with him during his entire life, who felt a connection by way of immense inspiration because of a connection made entirely through the expression of imagination by way of artistic endeavors, would wake up at the exact moment of the man’s dying breath. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I felt a strong need to celebrate the dying man’s birthday, which was just three days prior to his death. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that without having any knowledge like the rest of the world, save the dying man’s close family and friends, I knew there was something terribly wrong.
My loving soul mate wrote to me on Bowie’s birthday that she thought it was great that he was now 69 years old and going strong, to which I replied that he was indeed 69 but “I am not so sure that he is going strong.” This eerie prediction was made simply by feeling alone, without any form of information concerning the cancer that was destroying Bowie’s body. Yet I knew something was wrong.
I am sure that I am not alone in this world right now, as far as being someone who felt a dark presence concerning David Bowie’s health. I’m sure there were many others like me who awoke oddly at the time of his death and felt the darkness and the sadness. We are indeed connected. I can’t and won’t make any claims about an afterlife or a spiritual connection, I don’t know anything about these matters. I do know there is a connection between us all though. I do know there is a connection between all that exists in this universe and perhaps between other universes as well. There is a lot that I don’t know. I also believe in coincidence. But I do know without a doubt that there is something beautiful and wonderful behind the nature of existence.
No matter how well David Bowie hid it, his illness was felt by many of us. And he did hide it well. There were speculations ranging from Alzheimers to heart disease, but only very few knew the truth about his cancer. Oddly however, the speculations concerning his health were made long before his 18 month battle with the cruel disease that did end up taking him in the end. We all knew something was wrong regardless of contrary claims from his close associates, complexly because the beautiful connection I am addressing transcends all the walls we erect in our various attempts to hide behind.
It was eerie to see all the open windows I have of various Bowie video and music clips throughout time on my laptop’s screen as I sat down at my desk this morning to write this piece. I couldn’t sleep anymore and felt compelled to write some of my thoughts down. One way that I deal with grief is by writing out my thoughts and feelings. Another common way is for me to play the guitar or piano. Regarding this moment however, I felt writing this piece was the best way for me to deal right now. It has been a while since I’ve posted anything here. I have been hiding away in my own unique form of a retreat from music blogging for several months because I’ve been lost in my thoughts of how I want to continue my artistic life as El Güero Único. I was coming back but I wasn’t sure how. My inspiration to return has come by the way of one of my most beloved artistic hero’s passing.
Like many others, David Bowie was a massive influence on me as a musical artist. I cherished his work greatly starting at a young age. During my adolescence I learned a valuable lesson from David Bowie; that it was perfectly okay to be myself; that I didn’t need to follow the status quo; that I didn’t need to accept gender roles forced upon me by this patriarchal society I was raised in; that I should always let my imagination soar and look forward to where it will take me; he taught me to truly be free. These were all lessons I was not taught in school. Actually these were lessons that school and society in general taught against.
I have become a better man, living a richer life, knowing that it is simply okay to be myself. I learned that men don’t need to be dominant over others, that men don’t need to adhere to the societal guidelines of “manliness,” but instead that I should find out who I truly am, embrace this true self, and let my creativity and imagination guide me through everything.
I love David Bowie. He taught me that it was perfectly okay and actually quite wonderful, to cry the morning he died.
Post Script: His last music video released a week ago for his song Lazarus featured on his new album Blackstar, eerily shows him on his hospital deathbed. It hurts to watch now. David Bowie was a true artistic master using his craft to usher out his own life. Who else forces their self to stay alive to see his last album released on his 69th birthday three days before their death?
One last…
David Bowie 8th January 1947 – 10th January 2016
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